Hindu-phobia And Muslim-phobia In Intermarriage

Hindu-Muslim marriages can be especially challenging due to centuries of historical tension, cultural differences, and deeply held religious beliefs. Unfortunately, interfaith leaders often avoid discussing contentious issues for fear of offending either side. But now is the time for honest, respectful dialogue to help guide our communities.

Love relationship of Nadia Khan (Muslim) and Neel Gandhi (Hindu) in London as portrayed in a SETU.us play. [photo by the author]

Are the Prejudices Real?

In the play When Gandhi Meets Mohammed by SETU, both Hindu and Muslim stereotypes were portrayed openly—challenging the audience to confront uncomfortable realities.

From the Muslim perspective, Hindus were viewed as idol-worshippers with superstitions and rituals that lack rational basis. Islam and Sharia were portrayed as the only true paths to peace, with interfaith children seen as Allah’s amanah (divine trust), expected to be raised as Muslims.

From the Hindu perspective, there was a persistent fear that Muslim partners seek relationships primarily for religious conversion, and that interfaith children would be denied exposure to Hinduism, ultimately erasing their Hindu identity.

This honest portrayal of mutual suspicion can serve as a wake-up call. For Hindu-Muslim dating couples, such insights can help them prepare for the real-life challenges they may face. The author endorses SETU’s courageous presentation and the dialogue it inspires.

Good and Bad Experiences with Faith Leaders

Despite advocating pluralism, the author was recently removed from a Hindu WhatsApp group simply for co-authoring an article with a Muslim leader on Hindu-Muslim marriages. Similarly, a major interfaith group (referred to here as “the Bureau”) removed the author as a speaker since he published the article Love-Jihad: Use and misuse of the term—ironically, in response to a question from that same group.

There was no communication, feedback, or opportunity for dialogue—only silence for 17 months after the dismissal. Recently, the Bureau clarified its objection: use of the term “Love Jihad” is considered offensive and Islamophobic, regardless of what it’s used for. This reflects an unfortunate trend: targeting the messenger rather than engaging with the message.

Such autocratic behavior undermines the spirit of interfaith dialogue. Thankfully, most other interfaith leaders the author has worked with have welcomed difficult but necessary conversations. Collaborations with Interfaith colleagues on almost everyday basis with Mike Mohamed Ghouse, Imam Iftekhar Hai, Porus Dadabhoy (Parsi), Omar Nizam (Bangladesh), Rick Holbrook and many others have been particularly fruitful and respectful.

Is Muslim-Phobia (or Islamophobia) Irrational—or Based in Experience?

In a 2023 survey by the author, 96% of Hindu parents said they would not want their daughter to marry a Muslim.

Hindus were asked what if your daughter decides to marry one of the following men? Hindus expressed their greatest concerns about the three Abrahamic religions while they had fewer concerns about any of the Dharmic faiths. Results are presented as a percent of unhappy respondents. (Photo: shraddhaphotostories @ Wikimedia)

In a course taught by the author on interfaith marriages at Hindu University of America, 92% of students (mostly Hindu, some Christian) expressed concern about a Muslim partner for their children—compared to 58% for Christian/Jewish partners and 17% for Dharmic faiths. These findings align with earlier surveys.

In a small survey, most Hindus and some Christian students expressed concern about who their children marry to. The concern for Muslim, Christian/Jews and Dharmic was 92%, 58% and 17%, respectively.

Is this fear about Muslims irrational? Or is it based on lived experiences?

After advising over 800 Hindu-Muslim couples (see details below), the author has seen a consistent pattern: many Muslim families request that the Hindu partner convert to Islam before the Nikah (marriage contract), often citing Quran 2:221:

“You shall not wed a pagan women, unless they embrace the Faith. A believing slave-girl is better than an idolatress, although she may please you. Nor shall you wed an idolaters, unless they embrace the Faith. A believing slave is better than an idolater, although he may please you. These call you to the Fire, but God calls you, by His will, to Paradise and to forgiveness. He makes plain His revelations to mankind, so that they may take heed.” (N. J. Dawood, Penguin Books, 2003) (read a pluralist Muslim’s interpretation)

Over the past millennia, in Greater India (including current Pakistan and Bangladesh), it has been common to ask Hindus to convert to Islam before marrying. There are no precise records, but it is plausible that such conversions over the centuries number in the millions. The reverse—Muslims converting to Hinduism for Vivah—is none or exceedingly rare.

The Hindu population in Pakistan and Bangladesh has declined sharply over the past 80 years, from 14.6% to 1.6% and 28% to 7.95% today. Understandably, families with roots in these regions may carry generational trauma and suspicion.

According to a Pakistani friend, it is nearly impossible to find open Hindu-Muslim couples in Pakistan or Bangladesh due to severe legal and social repercussions.

Additionally, 64% of Muslim-majority nations have strict legal restrictions on marriages, compared to 0% amongst 14 Dharmic nations. In countries like Malaysia and Indonesia, the author has witnessed and documented such laws firsthand.

Severe marriage restrictions in Muslim (33/53; freedom of religion in only 3/53), Christian (8/120) and Hindu/Buddhist (0/14) majority nations.

The official Sunni Islamic position remains: Hindu-Muslim marriages are not permissible unless the Hindu partner converts. To the author’s knowledge, only Ismaili Muslims and one Sunni imam have been willing to officiate such marriages without conversion.

Even in the U.S., from Boston to San Francisco, this practice continues. After the SETU play, three Hindu-Muslim couples shared that the Hindu partner had to convert. The author’s own Muslim coworkers in California also shared that their Hindu spouses converted for Nikah.

This pattern—expecting conversion (to comply with Quran 2:221) after years of romantic courtship—can be viewed as an ugly form of love-proselytism, especially when it contradicts Quran 24:30 (not to get in love relationships). Read a partial list of pain and sufferings of hundreds of victimized youths at the end of this article.

Given this context, it’s understandable why many Hindu families feel apprehensive when their daughters enter relationships with Muslims. The author strongly believes that this practice of expectation of conversion for marriage must end, even if it’s only symbolic. It’s time for dominant faiths to respect the integrity of others’ beliefs.

Is Hindu-Phobia Irrational—or Is There Truth Behind It?

According to a 2021 Pew Research study, 78% of Muslims in India said it was very important to prevent religious intermarriage(mainly to Hindus?)—compared to 66% of Hindus and 36% of Christians.

A Muslim may not ask a fellow “believer” to convert for marriage, but will often ask a Hindu lover to do so—because Hindus are seen as “unbeliever,” kafir and haram (need to convert to halal), this is considered offensive and Hinduphobic. This practice of asking for conversion for marriage is an ultimate insult to all Hindus–children of Bhagwan or Allah.

Progressive leaders like Mike Mohamed Ghouse argue that Hindus can be considered “believers” and therefore no conversion is necessary for a marriage. He has conducted around 150 Hindu-Muslim marriages, where about 140 Hindus did not convert for nikah as Islam strongly opposes conversion by compulsion or manipulation. This is progress in the right direction. The author welcomes forward-thinking efforts that promote mutual respect and interfaith harmony.

Moving Forward

To foster true interfaith harmony, faith leaders must come out of their silos and engage in open, honest conversations—even when the issues are difficult.

Sweeping contentious topics under the rug only deepens mistrust. Addressing them transparently, with mutual respect, is the path forward.

Disclaimer: All statements in this article are in relation to Hindu-Muslim dating leading to marriage and should not be extrapolated to other situations.

Comments: If you like this article, please leave your thoughts below in the comments forum. The author is very interested in your thoughts on this topic.